Run Away and Never Look Back
by SparkIntoAFlame
Summary: Alex and John are both running from troubled, abusive pasts. What happens when the two are college roommates? Lams, Mullette, Marliza.
1. Hello There

John knocked quietly on the door of his new dorm.

"You can come in." A muffled male voice sounded from inside before swearing. "Shit, it's locked, give me a second."

A moment later, the door flung open to reveal a (rather hot) boy wearing an oversized hoodie and jeans.

"Hey. Are you…fuck, uh...John! Laurens, right?" He grinned nervously. "I'm not good at remembering names."

John laughed. "Nah, it's fine. You're Alexander Hamilton, right?"

Alexander nodded. "Alex is good. Oh, uh, come in."

John dragged his suitcase in and took in the room. It was a small room with two beds, the one farther from the window taken up by a bag.

"You didn't want that bed, did you?" Alex asked hesitantly, as if reluctant to give it up. When John shook his head, Alex's face split into a wide smile and he motioned towards the bed next to the window. "All yours, my dude."

"You're energetic," John noted as he tossed his suitcase on the bed.

Alex guffawed. "No way. I've just had _way_ too much coffee today. I think I'm on my -" he counted under his breath in a mix of French, English, and Spanish- "one, _deux_ , _tres_ , four, _cinco_! Fifth cup today, my friend."

John sucked in a breath. "No wonder you're so energetic. You're almost as enthusiastic as my friend, Laf."

As if on cue, a barrage of knocks attacked the door.

"John, _mon ami_ , I know you're in there!" John recognized the voice as Lafayette.

"Yeah, Laf," John groaned as he opened the door and Laf lifted him into the air. "Gah, Laf, no."

"You didn't call to say you were here! Eliza told us!" That was Hercules.

"John, you planning on telling me who this man is?" Laf demanded, squinting at Alex.

"Hi. Alexander Hamilton. High on caffeine," Alex said by way of greeting.

Lafayette chuckled. "I can bet I've had more than you, _mon petit ami_."

Alex raised an eyebrow before replying with "Five cups. And I'm not that short."

Laf's eyes widened. "You speak _French?_ " he gasped.

" _Français_ , _Español,_ and English."

John gaped. "I speak Spanish."

"While it's nice to know that my best friend's new roommate knows three languages, I would like to know what you're studying, Alexander," Hercules narrowed his eyes.

"Law and politics," Alex responded. "You?"

Hercules crossed his arms. "Design. Laf's studying to be a teacher and John-"

"Marine biology," John gave a slight smile.

Alex returned the smile with a lopsided grin and then suddenly swore as a knock on the door sounded.

"For _fuck's sake_ , Alex, I know you're in there."

"For fuck's sake, Alex…" Alex mocked under his breath before opening the door. "Hi, Angelica. Eliza, Peggy." He stepped aside to allow the three Schuyler sisters to file in.

"Hey Ale- Herc? Laf? John? What the hell are you doing here?" Eliza gasped.

"Alex is my roommate," John replied. "What about you?"

"Err, the Schuylers are friends." Alex muttered, taking a sip from a mug gone previously unnoticed on the nightstand.

"Alex, didn't you just tell us you had five cups of coffee?" Herc said incredulously.

Alex nodded, finishing the cup. "Six, now, actually."

"That's tame. Once, he had like fifteen cups because he had to study for finals," Peggy noted, moving Alex's stuff and flopping on his bed.

Alex gave a guilty smile before changing the topic. "What time is it? I'm ordering pizza."

wAw

It must have been around two in the morning when the sound of thunder woke Alex from his sleep. He gasped quietly.

"Breathe, Alex. Breathe," he mumbled under his breath. "It's not Nevis."

It took him a moment to realize that the light in the kitchen was on. Curious, he rolled out of bed and silently made his way into the kitchen.

John was seated at the small table, a book propped open in front of him. He was shirtless, much to Alex's surprise and (reluctant) delight. Those emotions quickly morphed into concern as Alex noted the long scars of varying thickness and depth.

"Hey, John."

John all but jumped out of his seat. "Wha- Alex. Hi. What are you doing up?"

Alex gestured vaguely towards the window. "Storm. Anxiety. Possibly an overload of coffee. Take your pick."

John snorted before his face collapsed back into a contemplative sadness. He sat back down.

Alex slid into a chair across from John and poked his arm. "What happened to you?"

John's eyes snapped up and he subconsciously touched his back. "Nothing."

"Your back is not 'nothing,'" Alex sighed.

"Don't worry about it."

Alex glared at John's wrist where faint bruises encircled it. They looked suspiciously like fingers. He met John's gaze again and murmured quietly, "You can talk with me."

John shook his head violently. "I'm _fine_. You've just met me, what's with acting like a mother hen?"

Alex was quiet for a moment and then spoke in a faint voice. "Because I know what it's like to feel hopeless."

In Alex's opinion, the stillness that followed was deafening. John broke the tense silence with a whispered "Good night, Alex."

 **Hi, yes, I'm doing** _ **another**_ **lams college AU fight me, it's the only thing I'm good at. At least this one won't be filled with shitty writing (I hope!).**


	2. Talk to Me

**WARNING: Mentions of sexual/physical abuse, suicide attempts, self-harm.**

 **Do not read if you can get triggered!**

Alex woke up and immediately wished he hadn't. He groaned softly and rolled over to check the time. _9:43_.

"Damn, alright," he muttered, sitting up. He pulled on a shirt and his glasses before strolling into the kitchen. To his surprise, John was talking on the phone with someone.

"Yeah, I'm good...how are Mary and the boys?" John was speaking quietly, as if not wanting to be heard. "Is he...has he...like me? Martha, tell me he didn't... _what?_ Who? No. No, he didn't. Is Henry okay? Good...he didn't...not the belt, right? Oh thank god, okay. Call me if anything else happens please. Tell them I say hi? Thanks, Martha. I'll talk to you later. Yeah. Love you too, Martha."

John set down the phone and sighed.

"Morning," Alex said.

John whipped around and gave Alex a strained smile. "Morning, Alex."

"Coffee?"

"No thanks."

Alex frowned. "John, you look like you could use some coffee. Like, a lot of coffee. Basically, you look like shit."

John gasped in mock outrage. " _Me_? Look like _shit_? What audacity!"

Alex laughed before sliding over a cup and some sugar. "Did you sleep at all last night?"

"Yeah. Did you?"

Alex scoffed. "I never sleep. Sleep is for the weak."

Indeed, the bags under Alex's eyes were dark and gave him the look of a sleep-deprived zombie. John said as much, making Alex chuckle.

"Who were you talking to?" Alex questioned, stirring his coffee and taking a sip.

"My sister. Martha. She's a couple years younger than me," John replied.

"Fun. Who's Mary?"

"The youngest. I'm the oldest, then Martha, the boys, Henry and James, they're twins, and then Mary."

"You love them a lot." Alex noticed John's hands tighten on his mug at his words.

"Yeah. Yeah, I do."

Alex would have said something else, but he was interrupted by his phone buzzing. It was a text from Angelica.

 _We're gonna get breakfast. Me pegs and liza r gonna pick u up in 15. Bring john, herc and laf r gonna meet us there._

Alex shot back a reply and looked up.

"The Schuylers are going to kidnap us for coffee with Herc and Laf," he informed John who snorted quietly.

"Of course they are," John smiled before getting up. "I'm gonna go get ready."

wAw

"Hey, Herc. _Boujour,_ Laf" Alex said, sliding into a seat between Eliza and John.

"Hey, Alex," Herc answered. "Help me convince Laf that French is not the 'superior language.'"

Alex put a hand on his heart. "But it is!"

Laf whooped in triumph, causing Herc to groan and throw a wrapper at Laf.

John sat in subdued silence and frequently checked his phone. He ran a hand through his curly hair.

"What's up, John?" Peggy asked.

"Hm? Nothing," John muttered, setting his phone down.

" _Est-ce qu'il va bien?_ " Laf asked Alex. **(Is he alright?)**

Alex shrugged. " _Je ne sais pas. Je viens de le rencontrer hier._ " **(I don't know. I just met him yesterday.)**

Eliza sighed. "Guys, literally only Angelica knows what you're saying."

Angelica, however, was looking at Alex with interest. " _Tu l'aimes, n'est-ce pas, Alex?_ " **(You like him, don't you, Alex?)**

Alex looked over at her, blushing furiously, while Laf roaring with laughter. " _Chienne! Comment savez-vous?_ " **(Bitch! How'd you know?)**

Angelica's expression became somber. " _La dernière personne que vous avez regardée de cette façon était Ariana._ " **(The last person you looked at that was Ariana.)**

Alex turned away. "Don't," he warned Angelica. "Don't bring that up. Not now."

He didn't realize he had spoken in English until Herc asked, "Bring what up?"

Alex shook his head. "Nothing."

Laf seemed to have gathered enough from the conversation to understand. "Leave it, _mon amour_."

John, however, turned to Alex. "That's the type of 'nothing' that I gave last night, isn't it."

Alex remained stone-faced, but it was enough for John to come up with the correct conclusion.

"Yeah, that's what I thought," John said, returning to his food.

Alex opened his mouth to argue but Herc asked quietly, "What nothing?"

The table fell silent as John looked up. "The nothing on my _back_ , Hercules." he spat.

Herc looked as if he wanted to say something, but Alex shook his head slightly. They watched as John dragged a hand over his face. He nearly elbowed Angelica when his phone rang. He picked it up.

"Henry! Hey, are you alright?" John's voice was heavy with concern. "I don't give a shit about me. Are you okay?" He listened intently, and whatever Henry said must have been satisfactory, as he said "Okay. Okay, yeah. I'll call later. Bye."

John shut his phone off and Alex stared, wide-eyed at him. "What the hell, John?"

John shook his head before sitting back down and whispering "He's alright."

He didn't speak for the rest of breakfast, or when the Schuylers dropped him and Alex back.

"John, talk to me," Alex pleaded, but John merely locked himself in his room. Alex knocked on the door.

"John I know we just met yesterday, but I want to _help_ you. Please." Alex was on the verge of tears.

A short while later, the door opened and John stepped aside to allow Alex in.

"What?" John crossed his arms.

Alex was at a loss for words, so he took in John's room. A pride flag hung on the wall. Two turtles sat in a glass case on the bedside table, along with a picture of John with two boys and two girls, one much younger than the other.

"I-John, are those your siblings?" Alex asked, pointed at the picture.

John's expression softened as he nodded. "Yeah. But what do you want, Alex?" He sat on the bed.

Alex joined him, tucking his knees to his chest. "I want you to talk to me."

"You met me _yesterday_."

"Well, you met me yesterday. Wouldn't you be concerned if I was in your situation?"

"Good point," John sighed. "Fine. If the giant ass pride flag didn't give it away...I'm gay."

Alex shrugged. "I'm panromantic bisexual if there's a problem."

John smiled. "Not a problem, dude. Laf is pan, Herc is bi. They're together by the way."

"No shit."

"I assume you know about the sisters?"

"Eliza's lesbian, Peggy is queer, and Angelica is aromantic, yes."

"Anyways. I'm gay. And my father...let's say he never approved of me. He always thought he could, ah, 'beat this homosexual bullshit' out of me," John looked at his hands. "It started as just pushing me in arguments, then he started punching me, then…" He shivered. "Then he started taking out the belt."

Alex held up a hand. "You don't need to talk if you don't want to."

John plowed on. "The scars on my back are from the belt. I tried to kill myself twice. My siblings talked me out of it. Martha is amazing. She's like a mother to the younger ones. That phone call...that was Martha telling me he punched Henry. He was drunk again. He must have thought Henry was me."

Alex let out a small gasp. "Henry is…?"

"Fourteen."

Alex groaned. "No."

John looked at Alex through eyes glittering with unshed tears. "Yes. He's okay though. It wasn't bad, and Martha and James managed to get him away."

"Thank god," Alex breathed. John nodded feverishly before pausing in consideration.

"You said...you knew what it's like to feel helpless? Last night, I mean."

Alex cracked a grin. "You don't miss anything."

John stared, waiting for a response. Alex sighed.

"When I was younger, I lived in the Caribbean with my mother. My father was a drunk and beat me. When he left, he basically left us with nothing. I was ten. Then, two years later, my mom and I got sick." Alex swallowed. "She-she died. And I hated myself for living. Hell, I still kinda do."

"Alex...I'm so sorry."

"I'm not done. A hurricane hit my island. Everything was destroyed. My friends...they all died. Everyone died. I was alone." Tears were leaking out of Alex's eyes. "I moved in with a cousin, but he hung himself."

The image of Harry's hanging body flashed through Alex's mind. He squeezed his eyes shut and continued.

"I got bumped from foster home to foster home. This one home...he was terrible. He hurt me, he-he-he," Alex stuttered. He steadied his breaths before whispering, "He _raped_ me, John. Then when I was sixteen, my girlfriend, the only person I loved who really loved me back since my mother, killed herself. I could barely hang on."

John's face was a mask of horror as he imagined the terrors the sarcastically witty and clever eighteen year old in front of him had gone through. Alex wasn't done, however. He steeled his nerves and yanked up his sleeves. John's eyes widened at the sight of mismatched scars criss-crossing over each other.

"I cut myself, John," Alex said, taking in John's thunderstruck face. "So yeah. My life is just one disaster after another. It's...problematic occasionally. I can get panic attacks during storms, and if someone's kissing me, I sometimes need to just take a minute. I have had sex maybe three times after I left that home, and the only thing that calms me down is writing."

John reached a hand out and gave Alex's hand a comforting squeeze. "I'm here for you. If you want to talk."

Alex returned the gesture with a lopsided smile. "Same here."

Alex made as if to leave the room then paused. "You know what we should do? Have Herc and Laf over tonight and just watch a shit ton of movies and pass out on the couch."

John thought it over, tapping his fingers on his leg. "Why not?"

Alex grinned at the other boy. "Let's go!"

"Where?" John asked, laughing.

Alex rolled his eyes. "To get them!"

"I was gonna call-"

"Nope! Going to their room!"

John grinned and leaped off the bed, nearly knocking Alex over. "Fine."

 **Hi love y'all, reviews are appreciated! The chapter wasn't meant to be this long, but I got caught up in writing so oops! Yes, I know that's not Alex's cousin's name, but I couldn't find it online. If anyone does, PM me or leave a review and I'll change it!**


	3. Only a Nightmare, I Swear

"John, tell me your Netflix password," Alex whined, wrapping himself tighter in a blanket.

John scoffed. "I haven't told Laf _or_ Herc. Why you?"

"Because I'm your roommate. Also because I'm sick of paying for Netflix."

John shook his head at the shorter boy who pouted and grinned as he pushed John off the couch.

"Hey, what the hell?" John protested as Alex removed John's hair from its ponytail.

"Shut _up_ , I'm braiding your hair," Alex snickered, deftly pulling strands of hair into an intricate series of twists.

At that moment, two loud knocks sounded.

"Stay here," Alex said, rising to answer the door.

Laf and Herc burst in, and immediately burst into laughter at the sight of John grumpily sitting, arms crossed, his hair half-braided.

" _Mon ami,_ Alex, it's beautiful," Laf snorted.

Herc nodded in agreement, fighting to keep a straight face. "Amazing."

Alex only smirked in reply, reclaiming his spot on the couch, and resuming his manipulation of John's hair.

Seven hours and several movies later, Herc had fallen asleep, partially in Laf's lap, and John's hair had been braided and unbraided three times. Laf glanced at Alex and John, the former shouting at the stupidity of the horror movie characters on screen and the latter giggling at Alex's take out-fueled rage.

"Alex, _demandez-le déjà!_ " Laf whispered from across the couch. **(Alex, ask him out already!)**

From the dim light of the television, Laf could make out a slight flush crawling across Alex's face.

" _Es-tu fou?_ " Alex hissed. **(Are you insane?)**

Laf opened his mouth to say something but John cut him off. "English or Spanish, please."

Alex huffed a laugh and shook his head. "Never mind. Laf, it's like, 12AM. Get out. I want to sleep."

Laf grumbled something in French before gently waking Herc. " _Ma perfection_. Get up." **(My perfection)**

Herc grunted before nearly toppling off the sofa as Laf got up. "Fuck, what time is it?"

"Twelve," Alex replied, nudging John out of his way. "I'm going to sleep, I only had two cups of coffee today. Night, y'all."

Alex trudged back into his bedroom, flopping on the bed, not bothering to change before passing out.

wAw

" _Mom?"_

 _Alex crawled over to his mom's side of the bed, shaking her. He repeated his plea._

" _Alex," his mother croaked. "Hey, love."_

 _She coughed once, blood dribbling from her mouth._

" _Alex. My baby, I love you so much, okay? You stay strong, okay?" she begged, gripping his hand. "I love you."_

" _I love you too, Mom."_

 _She smiled, and let her hand fall, her eyes glassy._

" _Mom? Mommy? MOM!"_

Alex woke up shaking and whimpering. He never screamed from his nightmares, not after the time where Mr. Jones beat him for waking him after a bad dream with his shrieks. He slumped forward, holding his head in his hands, still trembling.

"God," he panted. "Oh god."

He felt bile raising in his throat and hurtled for the bathroom. He heaved once, twice, before hearing the bathroom door open. Without even looking up, he knew who had entered.

"Hi, John," Alex rasped.

"You okay?" John said, concerned.

Alex might have snorted at the ridiculousness of the question, but he merely bent over the toilet again, spitting up the remains of whatever was in his stomach.

"No," he whispered, "not really."

John didn't say anything, only reaching a hand down to help Alex up. Alex waved him off, attempting to stand and promptly sagging against the wall. He didn't resist when John forced him to rest an arm around his shoulder.

"Come on." John grunted as Alex's weight fell on him, but he refused to complain. He helped him onto the bed before sitting down at the end.

"Hey. Wanna talk?" John murmured quietly.

Alex shrugged listlessly. "'M tired."

John didn't move. "Sleep. I'm staying here."

Alex wanted to speak, to combat the idea, but John started humming a song in Spanish, and Alex's eyelids tugged down, pulling him into the vestiges of slumber.

wAw

For the first time in quite a while, the first thought on Alex's mind when he woke up wasn't coffee or the ever-useful " _Fuck."_ It was the faint memories of last night and the sudden realization that John Laurens was sleeping on the edge of the bed.

"John. John. John."

John rolled over and whined. "No."

Alex sighed loudly. "John, seriously."

John groaned and sat up. "Are you good?"

It took Alex several moments to remember what John meant.

"Oh. N-not really," Alex stammered. "It's...it was a dream. I'm fine."

John crossed his arms, and Alex realized that John was, again, shirtless. He blushed before repeating, "I'm fine."

"You most certainly are not. Tell me."

"I-fine," Alex acquiesced, noting the look on John's face. "It was...it...when my mom died."

John reached out a hand. "I'm sorry."

Alex shook his head. "Don't. I'm over it."

 _No, you're not_ , a traitorous part of his brain said.

"Well, if you wanna talk…"

"No, it's fine. Really. I just...don't worry."

John gave him one last concerned look before heading out. Alex lay on the bed and cried. He cried for the sickness that gripped him and his mother. He cried for the hurricane that swept away his home and friends. He cried for the scars that littered his back and wrist. He cried for Ariana, the sight of her body on her bed, the sheets red.

John didn't return, but when Alex finally walked out, face blotchy and eyes red, he sat him down.

"How are you?" John asked.

"Terrible. I want coffee," Alex declared, forcing a grin on his face.

John easily saw through the smirk that didn't reach Alex's eyes and left for several minutes, returning with two mugs of coffee.

"Here." John held out a cup to Alex who gladly accepted the drink.

"Thanks," Alex mumbled.

"So. Class starts...when, two weeks? Tell me about your courses," John offered.

Alex gladly rose to the distraction, welcoming any thoughts to erase the lingering sadness.

wAw

An hour later, knocks sounded on the door, chasing Alex from his seat in the midst of explaining the Sixth Amendment. How they reached the topic, John didn't know and didn't care. Alex was smiling, and that was plenty.

"Hey Eliza! What's up?" Alex greeted, stepping aside to allow Eliza to lead a curly haired girl into their dorm.

"Hi! This is Maria, by the way," Eliza beamed. Maria flicked a few strands of hair from her face and waved.

Alex smiled mischievously. "Eliiiza…" he said teasingly. Eliza's face reddened and she nodded. Alex gasped dramatically. "Aw!"

"What?" Alex glared at John who slowly caught up. "Oh! Aw! Cute!"

"Yes, I just came here to introduce my girlfriend. Your building is on the way," Eliza explained. "Also, came to say hi to my favorite bisexual."

Alex bowed sarcastically. "At your service, Lady Schuyler."

Eliza groaned and playfully punched Alex's shoulder. "This is why I never visit. I have to go. I promised someone dinner."

"Bye, 'Liza."

Eliza left and Alex, struck by a sudden thought, turned to John. "You don't have a boyfriend."

John, taken aback by the blunt statement, shook his head. "No. Couldn't. Homophobe for a father has its drawbacks."

Alex snorted. "Same here. I haven't dated anyone since...since Ariana."

John quieted. "That was your girlfriend who commited suicide, right?"

"Yeah," Alex confirmed, "but I was gonna try to actually get a significant other this year."

John laughed quietly. "Same here. Finally away from dear ol' dad."

Alex was still for a moment. "Hm. _Je sortirai avec toi._ " **(I'll go out with you.)**

"What? I don't speak French. _Inglés y Español solamente, mi amigo._ " **(English and Spanish only, my friend.)**

"Nothing, nothing," Alex said airily. " _Tu es mignon._ " **(You're cute.)**

"Again! _No sé francés_!" **(I don't know French!)**

 **LAMS FLUFF AHEAD I SWEARSIES!**

 **Timmari FallAnge: Love the puns 3**


	4. A New Love

"No," John crossed his arms.

"You have to ask at some point," Laf begged.

"No."

"He likes you too."

"No."

"Yes."

"Laf...no."

"John, I asked Herc out because you made me, look at us now!" Laf nearly knocked over a plant on his desk. _Merde, John, tu dois demander à un moment donné!_ " **(Shit, John, you have to ask at some point!)**

"First of all, I don't understand French. Secondly," John sighed, twisting his hands, "what if he says no? I'm his roommate. It's gonna be so _awkward_. Another problem! _We're roommates!_ "

"So are me and Herc!"

"I-"

"Ask him out."

John tried to resist for another fifteen minutes, but Laf was adamant in his decision to get John and Alex together.

"Go!" Laf shouted.

wAw

"Alex?"

Alex poked his head around the corner, holding (yet another) cup of coffee.

"Hey there, John," he answered, plopping down on the sofa. "What's up?"

John shoved his hands inside the pockets of his hoodie.

"Well. Okay. Um. So. Wouldyougooutwithme?" John sputtered.

"What?"

"Ah, _mierda. ¿Serías mi novio?_ " John asked. **(Ah, shit. Would you be my boyfriend?)**

Alex stared open-mouthed. "Wait. This...isn't a joke, right? Like, you're legitimately asking me out."

"Not a joke," John promised.

Alex's smile brightened the entire room. "Holy shit! Yes! Hell yes!"

Now, it was John's turn to gape. "Seriously?"

Alex sprang off the sofa and planted a long kiss on John's kips.

"That answer enough?" he murmured, pulling away.

In response, John shoved Alex against the wall, hands holding his face in place as he kissed him.

"Wow. That was...wow," Alex breathed. "You're going to have to give me a sec... _wow_."

John laughed. "I agree. You're a good kisser."

"Thanks, I think."

John might have gotten another feel for those lips had his and Alex's phones not buzzed at the same time. Their group chat with Angelica, Eliza, Peggy, Laf, and Herc had gotten a message.

 **LizaCinnamonRoll: I'm adding Maria, aight?**

 **LafBaguette: Who?**

 **GayTurtleNamedJohn: Her girlfriend.**

 _ **LizaCinnamonRoll added MariatheLes to "The Best People**_

 **AlexHammy: We gotta tell u smthn too**

 **AroAngel: What? OMG WAIT**

 **AlexHammy: There's a cafe just off of the grounds. Meet us there in 10.**

"Are we actually doing this?" John asked, reading the most recent message from Alex.

Alex kissed him again. "Yes."

wAw

"Alexander Hamilton!" Angelica shrieked as she entered the cafè with her sisters and Maria, earning several glares from other customers. "Explanation! Now!"

Alex, John, Laf, and Herc were already seated at a booth in the corner and Laf motioned the girls over.

" _Venez ici! Et dépêche-toi!_ " Laf called. **(Come here! And hurry up!)**

"Okay, so what's the deal?" Peggy demanded as they sat down.

"Well-" John began, interrupted by a short kiss from Alex. "Well, that."

All was still and then a chorus of voices sounded.

Angelica: "Fucking finally!"

Laf: " _Oh mon dieu, c'est incroyable._ " **(Oh my god, it's amazing)**

Herc: "Yes!"

Peggy: "You guys are adorable!"

Eliza and Maria: "Holy shit!"

John's face reddened, but Alex positively beamed. He suspected that only Angelica knew how deeply Ariana's suicide affected him, since Ariana had been her best friend. He had been shattered. His relationship with John, he knew, she saw as a healing. And maybe it was.

 **Sorry, I know this is like ⅓ the length of normal, but like…sorry.**


	5. God, You're Amazing

**FLUFFFFFFFFFFF**

 **ahem…sorry on with the story**

"Class starts in five days," John said, setting a mug of coffee in front of Alex.

"Yep," Alex answered, typing furiously.

"And you're…?"

"Writing an essay on how the Constitution is flawed."

"Because…" John prompted, perching on the arm of the sofa nearest to Alex.

"Because I want to."

John gently closed Alex's laptop and placed it on the other side of the couch. Alex barked in protest, but quickly gave in to John's request when John kissed him.

"Fifteen minute break. Boyfriend's orders," John grinned, switching his seat to Alex's lap, lazily resting his head against Alex's shoulder

"Fine," Alex grumbled, meeting John's lips.

" _Eres_ perfecto," John sighed when they broke apart. He placed his forehead on Alex's. " _Te quiero mucho._ " **(You are** _ **perfect**_ **./I love you so much)**

" _Yo también te amo_ ," Alex replied, kissing John again. **(I love you too.)**

John laughed softly. "You...god, I love you. And I've been with you for a week."

Alex said nothing, only kissing John. And yeah, he knew that he _probably_ should breathe, but holy crap John is a really good kisser and he's also really cute.

" _Fuck_." Alex gasped for air when they seperated. John gave him a minute before pressing their lips back together.

"Am I interrupting something?"

John yelped and leaped off of Alex's lap at the sound of Peggy's voice. Alex started at the sudden loss of weight and sprang up as well.

"What? No. Uh, we were just…" John tried to excuse the scene, but there really was no way around it.

"How'd you get in?" Alex demanded. "I swear I locked the door."

Peggy held up a bobby pin. "You forget I know how to pick locks, dumbass."

"Wha-since when?"

"Since like third grade."

Alex sputtered indignantly. "Not fair."

John kissed Alex on the cheek. "Leave it."

Peggy smirked. "Yes. Anyways, I'm here because our favorite cinnamon roll's birthday is tomorrow, and we're all going out and getting drunk, and you two are required to come."

"Well, we're going to come, obviously." Alex rolled his eyes. "But did it require you breaking into our dorm?"

"Yes," Peggy said curtly, and with that, she left the room, closing the door behind her.

"She's nuts. She's one of my best friends, but she's nuts," Alex commented.

John made a sound of agreement before spinning Alex to face him and pinning him against the wall.

"Well, no one else is coming in," John said in a low voice.

Alex chuckled. "Yeah?"

John kissed Alex deeply, sliding his arms around Alex's waist.

"Love you," John said against Alex's lips. Alex only hummed happily.

wAw

"I'm not drunk," John declared. "I'm...mildly inebriated!"

"Same thing," Alex snickered, taking another sip of his beer. "But, taking into account the fact that Herc is driving us, I approve another drink."

Herc raised a glass of water in salute, grinning. "It's rightfully my turn."

Laf coughed. "He hasn't driven in so long, he barely remembers how to drive."

Herc smiled guiltily.

"You guys are impossible," Angelica sighed, turning to Maria. "How much have you regretted dating my sister since you met these four?"

Maria pecked Eliza on the cheek. "Not at all. 'Liza is too sweet for me to regret dating her."

The entire table "aww"-ed and Eliza blushed as Maria kissed her.

"I love you too," Eliza said, the pink still lingering on her cheeks.

It must have been nearly 1:30 in the morning when John and Alex arrived back at the dorm, Herc having dropped them off before. John shut the door behind him and quietly snuck behind Alex, trailing kisses on the side of his neck.

"Alex," John whispered, "you're fucking perfect."

Alex pulled away before capturing John's lips in (what John believed to be) the most _amazing_ kiss in his life. He didn't let go as Alex steadily led them to the bedroom and shut the door behind him with a small kick.

"Alex," John whimpered as Alex pushed him onto the bed.

"John, _eres guapo_ ," Alex murmured, straddling John's hips, " _increíble, fuerte..._ " **(You are handsome, amazing, strong...)**

John bit his lip as Alex lowered his head towards John's and completed his sentence in a low voice. "... _y tu eres mio_." **(...and you are mine.)**

The next thing John knew, he was drifting off next to Alex who was wrapped tightly in his arms.

"I love you."

 **I PROMISED FLUFF!**


	6. It's the Storm

"Good morning, love," John yawned, switching off the alarm. "Class today."

It took him far longer than he would admit to realize that the other side of the bed was empty.

"Alex?" Panic began to seize John. "Babe?"

He tore open the door and noticed a note on the kitchen table.

 _I told you this yesterday, but I'm 99% sure you forgot. My class starts at 8:00, which is literally 2 hours before yours. I'll be back before you leave._

 _Love you,_

 _Alex._

John breathed a sigh of relief before checking the time. 9:31. Alex should be home any minute, and he had to leave in twenty if he wanted to make it to class on time.

"Hey, baby."

John smiled at the sound of Alex's voice.

"Hi," he answered, facing Alex. "I did forget."

Alex snickered. "I knew it."

"Shut up."

"I-"

John cut Alex off with a kiss. "I have to go soon."

"I know."

"I love you."

"I know that too."

John softly punched Alex's arm before disappearing into the bathroom. He emerged ten minutes later and downed some toast that Alex made in anticipation of him being late.

"Bye!" John called, swallowing the final bites of food.

Alex hurried out and kissed him once. Twice. "Go!"

wAw

"If the sine of AB is 3, then what is the cosine of BC?"

John scribbled the problem down and stared at it.

"The fuck?" he muttered. Alex was lucky, he thought. His advanced classes in high school allowed him to skip math in college.

John wrote down the answer just as the professor dismissed them, with a pile of homework to boot. He groaned internally as he realized it was _pouring_ outside. As he began the short walk from his class to his dorm, his phone buzzed. He checked the text message before launching into a sprint.

 **AlexHammy: panic attack need help**

wAw

John burst into the room just as the sounds of Alex's hyperventilating and crying reached him. Whipping around to locate his boyfriend, he quickly spotted Alex on the couch.

"Hey, hey," John soothed, gathering Alex in his arms. "Shh, baby I'm here."

Alex cried harder, burying his face in John's chest, attempting to steady his breathing, but only succeeding in coughing.

"Shh…"

Alex sat, curled up in John's lap for nearly forty-five minutes before his sobs reduced to hiccups and his breathing steadied.

"You need to talk to me," John whispered, pulling back slightly.

Alex shifted slightly but shook his head.

"No," he said in a hoarse voice. "I'm good."

John kissed the top of Alex's head. "It wasn't a question, baby."

Alex shuddered and took a shaky breath. John held him tighter and rubbed soothing circles on his back.

"It's the hurricane. I told you, remember?" Alex's words were edged with tears. He hesitated before continuing. "And everyone died. It...was somewhat traumatic."

John looked down, meeting Alex's shining eyes. "Babe…"

"My best friends were dead, the neighbors, my teachers...everyone was dead. Everyone who loved me is dead."

Alex's weeping had stopped, replaced by a wall of quiet apathy.

"Alex," John hesitated. What could he even say?

Alex shook his head, burrowing deeper into John's torso. "I'm fine. Really."

John said nothing, only stroking gentle lines down Alex's back. He didn't notice Alex's breathing becoming even and he barely noticed his own eyelids drooping as they fell asleep.

wAw

"John? Alex?"

John woke with a start. Standing in front of them was Laf, Herc, and Peggy.

"What the hell?" Alex stirred at John's sudden exclamation.

"What?" Alex groaned, still half-asleep.

"Peggy, Laf, and Herc broke into our dorm," John grumbled.

Peggy grinned. "Shut up. We came to say hi, but no one answered the door."

"So the logical step would have been to break in?" John asked sarcastically.

"Yes."

John threw his hands up in defeat before nudging Alex off of his lap. Alex whined, wrapping his arms around John's neck. John sighed, resigned to his fate to remain on the couch as a pillow for his boyfriend for all eternity.

"Why are you here again?" John turned to Herc who shrugged.

"I don't know. Peggy just dragged me and Laf along."

Alex let out a mumbled string of curses as John pushed him off, his legs starting to numb.

"Alright, get out, my baby needs to sleep," John said, gesturing towards the door. Peggy, Laf, and Herc left, promising to come back (Peggy said something about being "too cute for your own good" on her way out). John locked the door before turning back to Alex who was sleepily blinking.

"Hey darling," John kissed Alex softly. "You want food?"

Alex shook his head silently, latching onto John's arm.

"Okay." John eased back onto the sofa, letting Alex lay in his lap, slowly running his fingers through Alex's dark hair.

"Sorry," Alex murmured. John stopped his hands from their path.

"For what?" John asked, thoroughly confused.

"This," Alex responded in a small voice, as if scared of punishment.

"No, baby. You-it's not your fault."

Alex got up slowly, staring at his lap. "My fault…"

"No, baby, it's not," John promised, helping Alex up. "Come on, let's eat."

"Not hungry."

"Little bit. One sandwich? Please?"

John's heart broke at the look on Alex's face - pure hopelessness and shame.

"F-fine," Alex let John lift him up and take him into the kitchen. "Thanks."

"Yeah."

 **I can't write for shit. Reviews are appreciated.**


	7. Stay

_It wasn't raining. The sky was an odd gold color, one that didn't seem to belong in the usually azure skies of Nevis. There was an eerie silence, one that seemed to encompass everything, even Alex's usually sprinting thoughts. Where once there was joy, laughter, and love, there was quiet nothingness. Alex shifted his way through the ruins, searching for signs of life, for anyone that was alive, someone, someone,_ had _to be alive. Choked cries forced their way from his throat as he spotted the first body. His neighbor, Pedro, who had always called him "Alejandro" who had given him the books that he so cherished and the small wooden bird he had carved himself. His best friend, Annie, who loved too much and received love in return, who threw her arms around him when he came out, who's favorite food was the cake that her mother made. His mind began an endless torrent of screaming and sobbing, indistinguishable from reality, he turned and saw a final body._

 _John._

 _Alex screamed, terrified and brok-_

"ALEX!"

Alex was torn out of his dreams by the sound of his name being shouted into his face.

"John. John, you're alive, you're okay, please I don't want to lose anoth-" Alex rambled, cut off by a sob building in his throat that he reduced to a whimper.

"Baby, baby, shh, I'm _here_ , it's okay, I'm here, look at me," John ordered, scanning Alex's tear-streaked face. "Are you alright?"

Alex began to nod but quickly changed his response. "No."

"What can I do?"

Alex began trembling. " _Stay_. I-I can't...not alone...John, I'm sorry, John stay _please_."

"Shh, darling I'm here, I'm staying."

And so John gathered Alex in his arms, whispering into his ear that _it'll be okay, I'm right here_ as Alex calmed down, his dark hair tangled and his face pressed firmly to John's chest. John eased them down, never breaking contact with the shorter boy as they both fell asleep, Alex still shaking.

wAw

Alex was woken this time by a chaste kiss on the lips from John.

"G'morning," Alex yawned. "Why are you in my bed?"

John didn't laugh, only kissing Alex again. "I love you."

"I love you too. But why are you in my bed?"

John stared. "Do-do you not remember?"

Alex squinted in confusion, thinking, until the memories of last night dawned upon him. "I...had a nightmare."

"Yeah. And you scared me to death, Alex. What happened?"

Alex thought. "The-the hurricane. And…" he shuddered. "And you were...were _dead_ , John."

John couldn't speak. "I-I'm sorry," he said finally. "I'm sorry, Alex."

"Don't."

"Alex-"

"John."

"Fine."

John seemed reluctant to drop the subject. Silence filled the room.

"Thank you for staying."

John started. Alex wasn't looking at him, rather looking at the wall opposite, his eyes darkened and haunted.

"Anytime, love."

 **Sorry for the short! Only one more chapter! Harry Potter - next!**

 **Emf: Yeah he would. Not in this story though!**

 **Fir3danc3r: Made him suffer ;)**


	8. The End

To be honest, John wasn't sure that he could handle what was happening. There was a total of eight people at the party and, honestly, it was small. And he loved it. He was having fun until Alex dragged him out to the center of the room and got down on one knee and opened a small black box that he _somehow_ kept concealed this entire time.

"A-Alex?" John stuttered.

"I love you so much. So fucking much it's not even funny. Well, maybe a little funny. And I know that I don't deserve you, and you don't deserve to have to deal with a broken man forever, but I love you too much to let go. Will you marry me, John?"

John gaped, stunned by the proposal. When he finally regained his power of speech, he choked out a gasped " _Yes_ " and pulled Alex up to press their lips together, wishing that it would never end, that he would have this beautiful _beautiful_ moron all to himself _forever_.

wAw

"What if I fuck up my vows?"

"You won't, John," Henry sighed, adjusting his oldest brother's tie.

"He's right," James commented, grinning at John's anxious face. "C'mon man, I'm not getting married to Ash until you marry Alex."

John groaned. "Jesus fucking Christ."

Meanwhile, Laf and Herc were trying not to die of laughter while Alex paced around, gesturing wildly while listing every way this could go wrong (later, according to Herc, he had mentioned _at least_ 67 reasons his wedding could be fucked). Eventually, Laf caught Alex's shoulders and said, " _Calme_." **(Calm.)**

Alex would have started to pace again, but the shift in music indicated his time to walk down the aisle to the altar.

" _Fuck_ ," he muttered under his breath.

"Go!" Herc nearly shoved Alex out, almost making him stumble.

"Fuck you, Herc," Alex hissed, traveling down the aisle. John wasn't at the altar yet - he was coming in after. Just like they had rehearsed. Alex lifted his head, eyes meeting Angelica's who stood at the end, beaming at him. He took his place at the end, turning his head to look for John, who should be coming any se- _shit_.

Alex's breath hitched as he saw John, alone, walking the aisle. Both of their fathers were actual deadbeat dads, so walking the aisles alone seemed fitting. When John stood in front of him, he could barely keep from breaking down as they took their vows. The two words shattered his control, and the tears were freely flowing as John said the two fateful words.

"I do."


End file.
